“Every situation, if you think about it, is an invitation for you to react in a certain way, but being mindful gives you the chance to decide how to RSVP.” ~ Catherine Price
Each moment you are sent an invitation. How will you show up?
It’s easy to say when the moment is positive or joyful, but what about those moments that are less than perfect? How will you show up?
Will you react or respond? What’s the difference?
Reacting is split second. It generally comes from your programming, which comes from how you’ve interpreted your past experiences.
Responding takes that fraction of a second more. You stop…time stops…briefly. You may even take a breath. And in that breath you realize you have choice.
Sometimes you’ll still choose to react, and other times you choose something different—something more grounded, insightful, resourceful or balanced.
Did you know, though, that you can change how you show up after the fact?
Something happens. You react. Maybe your hurt or angry.
When you think about it again, you react the same way. Your hurt or angry again. You’ve show up again for something that already happened, and is long gone.
How do you change how you show up after the fact?
It’s actually much easier to change how you show up after the fact, or at least you have more time available to you to make a different choice.
The thing that usually stops us from making a different choice the second time around is Judgment of some kind. You may judge the other parties for their part in your hurt or anger. You may judge yourself for reacting, and maybe even for feeling hurt or angry.
There are two things you can do when you replay the experience, and each will allow you to show up differently the second time around.
Choose a Different Response
If you had just a few seconds more to think through things, how would you have responded? Play it out in your mind. This offers you a few things. First, if the situation ever comes up again, you have a new idea on how to respond, and chances are you may take the opportunity. It’s like preparing an answer for an expected question.
The other thing it does is support you with new wiring. We react from our present database of experiences. By making up a new response, we are adding to the database. Remember, your database is not only filled with your experiences, but it’s also filled with the experiences you have witnessed, whether from your family, friends, TV, reading, etc. Do this often enough and you’re adding in quite a bit of information to your “Responses Database”.
Choose Forgiveness
This one is the most effective, and yet the most challenging to achieve. The reason is there is always more to forgive than we initially decide upon. Forgiving the other party in the experience is the obvious one. The one that is often left out of the equation is forgiving self. You’re a party to the event, and chances are you are upset that you got into the situation in the first place, don’t like how you responded or any number of things. You may even move into complete denial on your part and walk head-on into victimness. It’s the other person’s fault. How can you forgive them? Look how badly they hurt you or did you wrong?
When you forgive, the painful replay stops, and you automatically show up differently the next time around.
How do you forgive?
I’m sure you’ve heard it before, but it’s important enough to state again. Forgiveness is not approving of or allowing that what happened is OK. There are many things we can forgive that still require someone be held responsible for their actions. Forgiveness does not mean leaving yourself vulnerable to bad treatment.
It simply means that what happened no longer triggers you or your emotions. You can “remember without hurting anymore”.
What happens when you forgive?
So many things happen for you when forgiveness comes in. You’ll be amazed! You begin to look at your experience through different eyes. You begin to see things you never saw when you were hurting. You’ll see the gifts in the experience.
For me, when I forgave my abuser, I began to notice so many things, such as how strong I had become. I had compassion for others in a way I never had before. It was a very important part of shaping who I am today. In essence, I would not be who I am today were it not for the experience I had. Maybe you’ll receive similar gifts. Perhaps yours will be different. Either way, the gifts will be there.
Honestly, if you show up the first time in a less than perfect way, it’s okay. It’s pretty much guaranteed you’ll be giving yourself a second chance to react or respond.
The question is, how will you choose to show up…the second time?
Dream BIG!
Velma Gallant
The Queen of JOY!
Host of Welcome Changes Radio
On Forgiveness:
A Journey Through A Course in Miracles
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